that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
