He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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