those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
