When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize