So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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