he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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