I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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