I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
