So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
