I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We are two peas in an std pod
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize