i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
