is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Someone came in the potted fern
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
