Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize