Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
