found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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