Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
