At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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