Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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