3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
