I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
