this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize