what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
