I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
