Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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