erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
