she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
