YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
