I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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