I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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