Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
where are my pants?
in the oven.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
