wanna go halves on a baby?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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