I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
