did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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