And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
