The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
