You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
