Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
