He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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