I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You can't just leave with hair like that
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
