THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
