I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
