stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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