Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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