You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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