a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
