Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize