So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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