Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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