good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
