If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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