At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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