The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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