i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
