is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Randomize
