I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
