i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
