Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
