getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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