he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
