32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
