btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
