woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
