i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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