Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
