so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
