Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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