Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
