So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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