I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
