I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
