sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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