apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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