He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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