I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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