How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
