it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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