Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
